Last night, at 11.02 pm, she's asleep, but ...

...she shouts "Mom!" Then, quieter, she says, "I'm a pirate."

What I don't have and what I have

"I don't have any homework, but I have a bladder like a kitten."

Before it's too late

"Dad, you'd better take the laundry downstairs before it turns into Mt. Everest."

Ask her anything

"I am a walking Eli encyclopedia."

Not the game I brought her up to play

"Dad, let's play Fox News!"

After noticing that her vegetarian siblings weren't home for dinner

"Yay, it's meat night!"

Not today

"I always have these great ideas, but not today."

Disparity

"I have a little iPod and you all have glasses."

More evidence that her parents are insufficiently attuned to her

"You only wash things that I can't wear on drowsy days."

Whose nut?

Jane: Grace, you're a nut.
Grace: But I'm your nut.