Binary

"Either you're an architect or you're not."

It's easy to wonder, but is she willing to do the research?

"I wonder if there's more poop in the world than anything else."

Emotional

"I hate my pants."

Climate control

"I'm going to change my socks. My feet are hot."

Almost as funny in context

"I don't care how many zucchini breads people would make me."

The secret

"Everyone loves it when you give them a Sharpie."

If you're not sure how to travel

"There's a cruise everywhere."

It's the most wonderful time of the year

To Grace: "Dad and I are not a catalog."

A small, good thing

"Good thing you have a toenail."

Watch out, participles

"I'm so tired of gerunds"

Best reason ever for declining an editing suggestion

"I'm so tired of gerunds."

Fear as the restaurant nears

"My God, I hope there's not live music"

"You wanna know what crap is?"

"Crap is the stuff you own that you know nobody else would want either."

Remembering Boston Market

"It was easy. It was hot. It was meat."

I'm in wow with her, too

"I'm so in wow with myself!"

Uh....

"I don't know why. I just know that."

We're not?

"Stop it. We are not a movie."

Practical

"That would be a waste of a good muffin."

In case you're tempted

"Please don't put a pencil near your eye."

Grace is armed and dangerous

"Please don't shoot me with your glue gun."

Our nocturnal comrade

[at 6.56 pm] "Why don't you call him now? He probably just woke up from his nap."

Location, location, location

"You need to start buying clothes in stores."

Financial acumen

"If you see $5 on the ground, pick it up."

Alternate method

"I do not think in alphabetical order."

Loosening the frames won't help her this time

"I have a boot of pain on my foot."

Loosen those frames. Now.

"When my glasses are too tight, it feels like a cap of pain."

But what does she think about the table of contents?

"I'm reading the book. I don't like the book, but I love the appendix."

Discovery

Jane: I know where your hiccups are from.
Lydia: Where?
Jane: Too much talking about Halloween.

Metaphor of the day

"Maybe she's like tofu."

The exterminator laments

"No rat is going to die tonight."

Beyond a reasonable doubt

"If I'm wrong, I like to be proven wrong."

Specificity

"Not my hackles. My haunches."

Not "want to." "Have to."

"I have to write on a piece of yellow paper."

As disciplinarian

"There is no calling for food in this house ever. [pause] I'm serious."

The highest praise

"I'd blog that."

On shoes that cause bunyans

"By the time they soften up and fit, you will already have done the damage."

For when ice cream simply isn't enough

"How come there aren't coffee trucks?"

But what about the actual cupcake?

"Don't ever use a cupcake scoop as a weapon."

Inarguable logic

"If she had written shorter, it would have been a shorter book."

Curb your enthusiasm

"Don't trust the happy."

Against clarity

"Cultivate mystery."

Don't bother looking

"Germs are invisible."

The old days, they weren't like today

"I wasn't that aware of coffee when I was 11."

How she got Grace off of her

"Go pinch Dad."

Jane on the role of the mobile phone in everyday life

"It's like a nail file. You have to have it."

Said to Grace after a well-earned shampoo

"Smell your hair."

Inaugural post

"I have a good vocabulary. I'm going to use it."
(Chicago hotel room)